I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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