girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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