he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
