she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
