What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
