I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
