she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
