So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I skipped work to stalk him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
