Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i have two assholes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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