Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
