But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
