I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
