sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
