am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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