I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
