why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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