next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
