How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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