you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
