Is it normal to miss your booty call?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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