you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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