i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bring me that man meat
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize