Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
