Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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