I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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