He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
