How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
