R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
