He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
