y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so explain again why im purple
no
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
