So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
