I didn't shave. On purpose
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
