This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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