I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
