dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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