so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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