woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
