with your own penis?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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