9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
