i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
