After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm always down for nudity.
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