im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
