if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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