i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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