I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
