just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
