see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
