I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
