i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize