Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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