Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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