he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
