I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
