$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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