he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
