Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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