nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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