i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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