and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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