I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
