you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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