he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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