Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
