She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
