it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
