Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found the puke drawer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
