I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
