Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
