Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
