Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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