today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
