i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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