We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
