If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
this is an emotional support booty call
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