I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
