i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize