im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
