some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
