Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
