Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
