it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
