Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
