So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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