Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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