Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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