It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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