I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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