If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
