barbara walters just said penis...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
