Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
