i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did i walk over a car last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
