Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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