she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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