I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
