Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize