Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
