well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
