You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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