the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
