before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
