Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
