She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
