i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize